


Tsukkiyama Physics Au

by British_Fairy



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate high school - Freeform, Anxiety, Bokuaka mention, First Kiss, Hurt/Comfort, Kagehina mention, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-12
Updated: 2016-09-12
Packaged: 2018-08-14 14:32:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,407
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8017660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/British_Fairy/pseuds/British_Fairy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tsukishima is too gay for the freckled brunette in his physics class.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tsukkiyama Physics Au

**Author's Note:**

> This is the longest fic I've ever written OTL

Tsukki wasn't really sure when he started to like the freckled brunette Yamaguchi from his physics class. Maybe it was when they were lab partners and had to stay after class to finish weighing some resistors. The whole time he had talked uncharacteristically soft, and his face felt oddly warm. Maybe it was when he had asked Kuroo if it had been warm in the classroom, and when he answered no he realized he had probably been blushing through the whole lab. Maybe it was on a day that Kuroo had been gone and they were just working on homework in class so he spent the whole period talking to Yamaguchi about space and college. Maybe it was the bright smile and sparkling eyes Yamaguchi had when he asked Tsukki if he wanted to join the astronomy club with him next year. Maybe it was a lot of things, but in the end it was just Tadashi Yamaguchi and everything about him that made Tsukki’s heart flutter.

\---  
Yama: _Hey Tsukki!!! I'm going to be getting my schedule changed so I can hopefully take Physics C this year!!!! It's second period right?_

Tsukki: _Oh hey yeah it's second period. It'll be great to finally have a friend in that class since there's only like eleven people :/_

Yama: _Really only eleven?!?!? I guess I don't have to worry about the class being full ( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ_

Tsukki: _Haha yah there's even an open seat right next to me_

Yama: _Oh that'll be so much fun!!!! Hopefully I'll see you tomorrow!!_

Tsukishima set his phone down and buried his face into his pillow. _He was so cute WHY !?_ They hadn't talked all summer except for when they got their schedules, and found that they wouldn't be able to have physics together again this year due to scheduling conflicts. But now he had hope that he might just get to spend the year with a cute freckled boy again and frankly he hated how flustered it made him feel. He took the pillow off his face, continuing to smile like an idiot as he stared at the dinosaurs on the shelf in his room. He plugged in his headphones and put on some electronic pop music while laughing to himself, “I am too gay for this shit.”

\---  
The next day Tsukki made sure he dressed somewhat nicer than usual, but not enough to be conspicuous, in the hopes of seeing Yamaguchi in physics. He walked with a purpose to his second hour after he packed up his things in calculus. He set his stuff down next to his seat, making sure not to obscure the space where he hoped Yamaguchi would sit.

He got excited when he felt someone tap his shoulder and turned around maybe a little too quickly.

“Hey hey hey!! Tsukki!!” Tsukki's wild-haired friend Bokuto shouted, “My zoology class is right next door to here isn't that great!!”

Tsukishima did his best to hide his disappointment from his friend and drawled “Amazing.”

“Ohoho Tsukki guess what?”  
“Hm?”  
“There's this really pretty guy in my class who sits at the desk next to mine and he actually laughed at my owl puns I think I'm in love!!”  
“Do you even know his name?”  
“Erm… No, but I'll find it out today!” Bokuto declared triumphantly as he left the room, presumably to talk to the pretty boy next door.

Tsukishima sighed as the minutes grew closer to the tardy bell and finally ringing. Thankfully no one in the class knew him well enough to see the disappointment written on his otherwise stoic face. Today they were just continuing to work on uncertainty exercises that he already had done, so he just stared at his phone the whole hour, bemoaning the time he could be spending a lot happier with someone else to share in his boredom.

The rest of his day went as normal and the walk home from the bus stop was just as hot as ever for August. As he walked he thought about the possibilities of why Yamaguchi wasn't there today. _Maybe he got put into a different physics class instead of physics 3? Maybe the schedule change ended up not working out? Maybe he didn't want to be in a class with me?_ The last thought was admittedly a bit paranoid and he really had no reason to believe that it was true but he couldn't help his self-deprecating mind.

He unlocked the door to his house, took off his shoes in the foyer, and headed down the hall to his bedroom. He flopped down onto his bed, continuing to listen to his music while contemplating how to spend his afternoon. He was caught off guard when his phone vibrated on his stomach. He picked it up to see he had a new message from Yamaguchi.

Yams: _Hey Tsukki I finally got my schedule changed!!_  
: _I spent all morning in the counsellor’s office getting it fixed T^T_  
: _(attachment 1 image)_

Tsukishima eyes widened and the corners of his mouth lifted slightly. Yamaguchi didn't hate him, that's a plus. He opened the image to find that they not only had second-hour physics together but first-hour calculus as well.

Tsukki: _I was wondering where you were this morning but at least you got it fixed  
: and hey we have Calc together too_

Yams: _Really that's so great!!!_  
: _Oh what did I miss the first few days in Physics??_

Tsukki: _We did some uncertainty exercises_  
: _It's the same uncertainty packet as the one last year if you still have it or I could take a pic for you_  
: _Tho that might be hard to read :/_

Yams: hmm _I'll see if I can find it o-o_  
: _but I'll see you tmrw ;)_

Tsukki: _See ya_

Tsukishima couldn't help but find the way Yamaguchi texted endearing. He was so emotive it was just adorable. Plus that winky face killed him just a little bit on the inside.

\---  
The next day Tsukishima was running a little bit late and made it to first period with one minute left before the bell. He hurriedly grabbed his Calc folder and binder out of his bag and placed it on his desk, checking to see if there was any homework he might have to turn in today. He looked up, remembering Yamaguchi was supposed to be in his class starting today and found him at the front of the classroom talking to the teacher.

“My name is Tadashi Yamaguchi and I got my schedule switched around so I have Calc in the mornings now.”

“Well, it looks like the rest of the rows are full so you can take a seat here at the front of this empty row. My name is Mr. Faun and I'm happy to have you in class!”

“Thank you! Oh, can I get the notes and work I missed the first three days?”

“Of course, talk to me once class is over okay?”

“Yes sir!” Yamaguchi was smiling, practically beaming when he sat down at his desk. _“Could anybody really be that happy coming into a Calculus class?”_ Tsukishima wondered. Yamaguchi pulled out his supplies and set them on the desk, his pencil case was cream colored with small little chicks bouncing around the bottom. _“Even his pencil case is adorable???? How is this guy even real?”_ He didn't have time to linger too long as the teacher quickly got the lesson on limits started.

There were times periodically throughout the class when they were working through solving the problem that Tsukishima had a chance to daydream. He didn't think about anything drastic, just small things like what it might feel like to hold Yamaguchi’s hand, if his hand was soft, if his hand had freckles on it too, if they did what it might feel like to softly press his lips to each and every one of those precious little stars… okay, maybe he should start paying attention to the lesson.

When the bell rang signaling the end of class Tsukishima hadn't at all started packing up beforehand and was scrambling to get all of his notes and pencils back into their folders and his bag. By the time he was nearly finished and finally putting away his calculator Yamaguchi was standing next to him with a sweet smile on his face.

“ Sorry Yamaguchi I have a lot of stuff gimme another second” Tsukishima huffed

“Oh no you're fine Tsukki” Tsukishima glanced up at Yamaguchi from his backpack, and the warmness in Yamaguchi's gaze made his heart flutter and his stomach fill with butterflies. They held each other's gaze for possibly a few seconds longer than normal till Tsukishima looked back to his bag to finish zipping it up, blushing the whole time.

“So you wanna walk to class together?” Tsukishima asked as he slung his bag over his shoulder.

“Of course Tsukki that's why I waited for you,” Yamaguchi laughed.

“You got the work you missed right?”

“Mmhm! Thankfully it's not a lot so I should be able to catch up tonight!”

“That's good.”

“Oh yeah! Hey, what are we doing in Physics again? It's that uncertainty packet from last year right?”

“Yah except this time there's a lot more equations to deal with based on the original equation you used that you're trying to find the uncertainty of. Like multiplication or division has a different equation from powered equations and stuff like that.”

“I hope it's not super difficult I haven't even looked at the packet!”

“Eh it's not that bad”

Yamaguchi looked relieved as they entered the Physics classroom. Just like last year the room was ten degrees cooler than the rest of the building and the pair both shivered getting goosebumps. They met eyes and laughed thankful no one else was in the classroom to watch them both blush just a little bit.

“Here this is my spot so you can sit here” Tsukishima pointed to the spot next to him, making only a glancing eye contact as he was still a little flushed and his blonde hair probably made it stand out.

“Are you sure nobody sits here!?” Yamaguchi worriedly asked, tentatively setting his stuff down where Tsukishima had indicated.

“Yeah nobody even sits at the table closest to the teachers desk. Not that I blame them.”

“Tsukki that's not nice!”

“Hey you know he sucks as a teacher.”

“Tsukki” Yamaguchi whispered while giggling behind his hand.

Tsukishima pushed his glasses up with a slight upturn to his lips. Yamaguchi's laugh was so adorable just like the rest of him. He felt like he thought that every other minute, but Yamaguchi never stopped giving him reasons to think that same thought.

“Hey did you hear that we’re having a fire drill today?” Tsukishima’s classmate Yachi asked.

“No” Tsukishima turned and responded rather deadpan despite how flustered he was only a moment before.

“Are we really?” Yamaguchi leaned over and asked considerably more alive.

“Yeah my-”

“Alright class, directions for the fire drill,” the teacher interrupted, “Go down the stairs and out the door to the parking lot near the stadium.”

Tsukishima turned to Yamaguchi and whispered, “well I guess that answers that.”

The fire alarms went off loudly and obnoxiously almost immediately. The chairs in the room collectively scraped against the floor as the teenagers all wanted to get away from the sound desperately. Once they entered the hallway the bothering sound became almost dangerously loud. Every time the alarm pulsed Tsukishima flinched. As they headed down the stairs he settled for digging his nails into his hands to stop the flinching. He looked back to make sure Yamaguchi was still with him and was comforted to find he was right behind him. When they reached the bottom of the stairs it turned out they were the first ones from their class down.

Unfortunately, neither of them knew which way to go. Yachi came down next and went left so they hurriedly followed her wanting to get out of the angry building. Tsukishima happened to look back, still uncertain if they were heading the right direction and realized that the rest of their class was going the opposite direction. He grabbed the other two’s attention and they charged back to their class not wanting to be left behind.

They made it to the mob of students wanting to all get out through one hallway. So they slowly waddled their way out the glass doors with their class and relished in the silence and relief the outdoors brought.

Tsukishima rubbed his palm where he had dug his nails into it, and where he, unfortunately, had drawn blood. Yamaguchi took his palm and examined it in shock gasping just a little.

“I have a band-aid in my backpack back in the classroom and some tissues so we can clean this up!!”

He let go of his hand, the skin still burning a little where Yamaguchi had touched it. Tsukishima silently cursed himself for not paying attention to whether or not there were any freckles on his hand.

“I don't think it's that bad-”

“Nope. You're getting a band-aid even if it's not still bleeding. The skin is still cut open and I don't want it getting infected or you getting sick. You can't leave me alone in Calc and Physics right after I join them.”

“Fine” Tsukishima huffed with a roll of his eyes that was accompanied by the slightest smile to show he was kidding.

From a little ways away Yachi was laughing to herself. She had had several classes with Tsukishima and this was the most emotion she had ever seen him show. He had never smiled let alone let someone hold his hand (albeit to check for injuries). The fact that it was this sweet freckled boy she couldn't help but giggle.

A voice came on over the intercom signaling to return to class. Tsukishima and Yamaguchi walked back in comfortable silence, something Tsukishima appreciated greatly. They hadn't been friends for very long and had only recently begun talking, but he felt comfortable and safe around Yamaguchi. He didn't feel pressured to speak to keep things from becoming awkward, but he also didn't feel the need to put in his headphones to ensure he wasn't bothered, he was simply calm. And amongst all the anxiety that incited his snide and condescending demeanor, solace was precious.

When they got back to class Tsukishima sat down in his chair, forgetting completely about his injured palm when Yamaguchi said, “Give me your hand.”

At first, Tsukishima just looked at him wide eyed, crush filter on autopilot, until he saw the tiny box of band aids in Yamaguchi's hand.

“Oh. Right.” He mumbled holding his hand out slowly. Yamaguchi had also pulled out a pack of tissues from his backpack and poured a small bit of water onto one of the white cloths. He held Tsukishima's hand steady with one hand and gently washed the nail marks with other. Tsukishima vaguely hoped that Yamaguchi couldn't hear the rapid beating of his heart, but his thoughts were clouded with soft warm hands that were holding his own. It may not have been proper hand holding but Yamaguchi's fingers felt soft against the back of his injured hand and the brunettes thumb was overtop and intertwined with his own, slightly rubbing the edge of his palm in an attempt to calm him. When Yamaguchi finished washing the cuts he reached for the band-aid he let his hand go in order to open it. Tsukishima let out a breath he didn't realize he'd been holding as a sigh, longing for Yamaguchi's hands again. But nearly as quickly as they left, Yamaguchi's hands were engulfing Tsukishima’s with his own, pressing the lime green band-aid to the cuts.

“There much better! Now you won't get sick and abandon me here all alone!” Yamaguchi laughed as he put his “medical supplies” away.

“Thanks Yamaguchi” Tsukishima murmured, rubbing the band-aid, trying not to act as flustered as he was because he had noticed something very important. Yamaguchi's hands were covered in pretty little freckles.

\---  
The rest of the week and the week following Tsukishima enjoyed Yamaguchi's presence near him. Sometimes he would try to find something to talk about in order to see Yamaguchi's heart racing smile. Other times Yamaguchi would tell stories about he started to look at the physics homework they had been assigned but instead decided to ask his mom if she wanted to go walking around the sweet shops downtown.

“My favorite food in the whole world is actually strawberry shortcake.” Tsukishima responded to Yamaguchi's terribly endearing story.

“Really?! My favorite is French fries!! Especially the soft ones those are the best kind!!”

Tsukishima laughed to himself at Yamaguchi's answer. Passionate about French Fries. He honestly didn't expect anything less.

When they arrived in second period the teacher explained he would be going over questions on the homework otherwise they'd be allowed to work on it during the hour. There weren't a lot of questions given no one had really started the homework in the first place, so they spent the hour hoping they were doing the work correctly.

“So how did you set up the graphs on number 8?” Yamaguchi asked rather confused.

Tsukishima showed him his work, “I just made four separate graphs for each part.”

“Mm that makes sense, okay.” Yamaguchi replied, now very concentrated on making the graphs.

After that, the class mostly worked in silence until the bell rang.

“I wish the bell schedules were more consistent so I could start at least putting my pens back in my binder before the bell rings,” Tsukishima exclaimed annoyedly.

“Yah it would be nice to know when class ended,” Yamaguchi replied, equally distracted with his supplies.

“I'm gonna go ahead and put your textbook back on the shelf Tsukki” Yamaguchi called as he walked away two textbooks in his arms.

“Oh thanks” Tsukishima smiled slinging his bag into his back.

“Thankfully the homework isn't that difficult so far but we thought that last year too and boy was that a mistake.” Tsukishima noted as the two went down the stairway.

“Oh I know last year was so hard I don't know how I got an A in that class!” Yamaguchi remarked.

“Heh me neither”

“Oh hey do wanna maybe meet up over the weekend to work on the homework?” Yamaguchi added.

Tsukishima’s heart pounded at the thought of going over to his crush’s house

“Sure just text me when would be a good time” he managed to stammer out.

“Okie dokie see you later then Tsukki!” Yamaguchi beamed as they parted ways.

\---  
“Bokuto I'm too gay for this shit.” Tsukishima moaned to his friend.

“Oho?”

“The cute freckled boy from my physics class invited me to his house to do homework. I can't deal with this. I've read too much.” Tsukishima buried his face in his arms on the lunch table.

“AHAHAHA get REKT!” Bokuto bellowed without shame in the lunchroom.

“Why are we friends.”

“Don't worry my fellow gay we will help you through these harrowing times.”

“Says the one who has heart eyes heading into Zoology everyday and won't _shut up_ about Akaashi.”

Bokuto gasped and clutched his heart, dramatically laying on the table whispering, “but he's so pretty.”

Tsukishima gave a small laugh and stared back at his phone, wondering what to get for lunch and what Yamaguchi's house might be like.

He couldn't help but hope just a little that maybe they would be sitting on the floor side by side. That maybe their hands would be close enough that he could just overlap their pinkies. That maybe Yamaguchi wouldn't shy away and maybe he would let him hold his hand. He has very soft hands that would be nice….

 _“I should really get lunch”_ Tsukishima thought, pulling himself out of his day dream.

\---  
Yams: _Hey so how does Sunday at 2 sound??_  
: _And my mom said if you want you can stay for dinner!!_

Tsukki: _That sounds great can you send me your address?_

Yams: _Oh yeah I forgot( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ_

Tsukishima was laying on his back and set his phone down on his stomach waiting for the ding signaling Yamaguchi's address. He knew it wasn't a date but he didn't mind being at least a little bit prepared, he could dress slightly nicer than be usually did on a Sunday. That wouldn't be too weird right?

Sitting up he sighed, he had no idea what to do in this situation. He'd never dated and neither had any of his close friends, save for like a really awkward one week thing Kuroo refuses to acknowledge. However Kuroo seemed to have the best advice on relationships.

He pulled up his messages with Kuroo typing out a quick _“Got not-date date advice?”_ then remembered that Hinata has a boyfriend. They'd had after school activities together multiple times so he had his number but until today never had a reason to use it. Despite how they pretty much never spoke he was his best hope at the moment so he pulled up a new message.

Tsukki: _Hey you're dating that tall dark haired kid right? How'd you start dating, my friend wants to know?_

No need to be awkward about the whole ordeal.

Hinata: _OH ITS KINDA FUNNY ACTUALLY!!_  
: _We were playing video games at his house and we started arguing about super smash brothers and we had like grabbed each other's shirts at some point and he ended up saying STOP BEING CUTE DUMBASS so I was like NEVER and he kissed me and then we kinda just stared at each other for a while_  
: _then he finally spoke up and was like so.. Do you wanna date? And I was like yah (but ya know still totally dumbstruck) and now we're dating <3_  
: _don't tell Kageyama but I still get kinda dumbstruck when he kisses me sometimes XP_

Tsukishima just stared at the wall of text messages he received and rolled his eyes really far into the back of his head. Of course they just happened to kiss. That was super helpful. Feeling absolutely apathetic he just sent back _“Thanks”_

He was out of ideas and gave an audible huff. He checked back on his messages with Kuroo to no response but a _read: 2:31._

“Wow thanks Kuroo” he sighed, standing up to look through his clothes trying to see what looked _nice_ but not _too nice_. Filing through his closet hoping to find maybe a causal button down or nice v-neck (he personally found his neck and collarbones to be his favorite feature and liked shirts that accentuated them), his phone started ringing from his bed. He picked it up and answered it, Kuroo at the other end.

“About time you responded to me,” he sighed, sinking into the chair at his desk, “I'm desperate, actually asking for help, and all I get is a read time.”

“Hey I did one better than respond and actually called you. So tell me Tsukki dearest what's threatening your fragile facade of perpetual apathy?” Kuroo practically drawled.

“A. Don't call me Tsukki. B. That cute freckled boy from physics class that lowkey held my hand to bandage it asked me over to his house tomorrow and I'm not sure how to approach the whole thing.”

“Ohoho why'd he ask you over hmmmm??”

“So we can work on homework together. Physics is hard af,” Tsukishima replied drily not wanting to deal with Kuroo’s unnecessary implications.

“Kay so let me get this straight then, well as straight as this situation can be ehehe. Your crush asked you over to his house to work on homework and you're unsure about what exactly? I wouldn't kiss him the moment you walk in the door I don't think that'll go over well.”

“Oh wow thanks that was something _I was really worried about_.” Tsukishima didn't even bother to soften his dripping sarcasm.

“Hold on let me get an umbrella it's raining sarcasm over here,” Kuroo remarked with a smirk in his voice, “but really man what's up?”

“I don't know how to act when I go over there. Should I dress nicer? I mean obviously not too nice but you know not super casual either?? And like I want to act like I like him but without acting _like I like him_ you know???” He expressed contrastingly emotive.

After a second of silence Kuroo responded, “Honestly not really. Kinda but no not really I don't get it. At least not enough to help you.”

Tsukishima sighed exasperated, “I think it's anxiety. I'm scared to exist and that I'll do it wrong and he'll hate me.”

“Well,” Kuroo observed, “ I can tell you like him a lot since you're legit never this emotive about literally anything. And if he likes spending time with you during school in the morning classes when you are at your most dead then I'm pretty you're not going to be able to exist wrong around him.”

“Yeah I guess. I'm still gonna be anxious as fuck but that makes me feel a little bit better.”

They sat in silence for a few seconds before Kuroo piped up, “ There's one last thing I want to know.”

“Hm?”

“Do you let him call you Tsukki?”

“WHAT!?!?!”

“Well?”

He paused before mumbling a quiet, “yeah.”

“AHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!”

“WHAT???”

“Man you are so screwed.”

\---  
When he woke up the next morning he almost fell back asleep as he usually did on Sunday mornings, but when he remembered his homework date ( _why did he have to word it like that_ ) with Yamaguchi, he bolted upright wide awake. He checked his clock, **9:00am** , plenty of time to sit and worry about what he was going to wear before eating lunch and heading over to Yamaguchi's house.

After spending a good hour going through different outfit possibilities and even more indecision he finally chose a royal purple V-neck, ankle length jeans, and tan oxfords. Forcing himself to turn away from his closet and mirror so he wouldn't change his mind again, he went over to his bag to make sure he had everything in it they would need. Binder with paper and notes, check. Pencil case, check. Calculator, check. Textbook, check. Confidence, well he was probably never going to find that so he zipped up his bag.

He looked back at the clock, **10:30am** , not even late enough to distract himself with lunch and there was still three hours before he could reasonably leave for Yamaguchi's without arriving rudely early. He thought about watching Jurassic Park but sitting still did not sound like something he could do right then. He sat back down at his computer and began doodling about on random game websites hoping to find a good distraction to no avail. He eventually ended up scrolling through a random website looking at pictures of suit models, which certainly did not help when he started thinking about how Yamaguchi would look in a well tailored suit, or even in a nice tux like people wear for weddings. He dropped his head on the desk blushing like mad. Kuroo was right. He is too far gone.

\---  
The time had finally come to go to Yamaguchi's house and Tsukishima did his best to calm his nerves. He got to the door, checked over everything in his bag, checked his phone, trying to find every reason to procrastinate on ringing the doorbell. He finally reached for the bell before his anxiety could beat him again, but he jumped back the moment he hit the button because the door opened instantaneously.

“Hey Tsukki! My mom said she saw someone standing outside the door so I came down the stairs as quick as I could because I figured it was you!” He rattled off quickly smiling all the while.

“Yeah good timing. You scared me though.” He noted amused as he toed off his shoes in the doorway.

“Mom, Tsukki's here we’re gonna go up to my room to work on homework kay!”

“Alright boys have fun.” She called from another room.

Tsukishima swore his heart missed several beats thinking about being in his crush’s room. _“Keep it cool Tsukishima”_ he thought to himself as he did his best not to look at Yamaguchi's lithe form that his shirt accented with motion. But alas Yamaguchi was the only thing to look at as they headed up the stairs so Tsukishima got the chance to notice every time his T-shirt hugged his shoulders or showed off his waist. _“Cutest boy in the whole school hands down.”_

Tsukishima set his bag down next to the door when they entered Yamaguchi's room. It was nothing incredibly remarkable, just a few pop culture posters, a tv with a few gaming consoles, and some very cute dog plushies which were by far, in his opinion, the best feature of the room apart from its owner.

Yamaguchi plopped down on the floor in front of his bed, his supplies already assembled there. Motioning for Tsukishima to sit next to him, he pulled the homework out of one his binders and opened the textbook to some of the later problems.

“So,” Yamaguchi began, “I got through the first half of the problems but got stuck on 61 and just stopped there because I figured we might as well do the rest together.”

“What page is the homework in again?”

“Tsukki!”

\---  
They had struggled their way through the rest of the problems save for the last three which used a concept that their teacher hadn't explained. So together they sat in silence reading, and rereading, and reading again the section on integration trying to make sense of it, at least within the context of the problems.

After still having no luck in finding the correct area under the curve and not being sure how else to read the passage on integrals or interpret the area equation ( _really how else can you do Δx= Vo*t ?_ ), Tsukishima dropped his hands to the floor by his side letting out a defeated sigh.

Taking a similarly inspired route Yamaguchi dropped his hands to his side as well, accidentally overlapping his pinky and ring fingers with Tsukishima's.

Tsukishima, though initially surprised he hadn't died right then and there, inhaled deeply and slowly so as to come off as cool. Maybe if he didn't mention it or act weird Yamaguchi might not move his hand. He tried to look like he was concentrating on the book again but couldn't help but steal a sideways glance at the pretty speckle of freckles that dotted Yamaguchi's soft hand. Hearing slow, normal breaths coming from Yamaguchi he dared to glance at his face. His heart fluttered at the sight of a slight smile and what could've been a tiny blush sprinkled amongst his freckles.

Yamaguchi didn't hate him or this, in fact he might even be enjoying this! Tsukishima stared blankly at the space just above the textbook in front of him, reveling in the small precious moment he was having, almost daring himself to wake up from the dream where people actually didn't hate him all the time.

“Um Tsukki,” Yamaguchi stuttered nervously.

Tsukishima turned his head, looking Yamaguchi in the eye, his own slightly more lidded than normal.

“I…” Yamaguchi trailed off, his gaze moving slowly from Tsukishima's eyes down his face, stopping at his lips, and moving back up to meet Tsukishima's eyes once again, breathing noticeably quicker.

Tsukishima blinked slowly, lips parting just slightly as he broke Yamaguchi's gaze to look down his freckled nose to his soft pink mouth and back up the same path as Yamaguchi had.

Tsukishima's pulse quickened as he asked permission to keep going with his eyes. Yamaguchi responded with a slight tilt forward with his head, Tsukishima moving just as slightly out of fear of rejection.

Then slowly, carefully they closed the distance between them, lips just barely touching. Someone's eyelashes tickled someone else's cheek. It was soft and warm and exhilarating. Tsukishima hadn't ever thought lips would feel so pleasant against his own. He closed his eyes completely wanting only to feel and nothing more, and he wanted only this feeling forever.

But just as soon as it begun Yamaguchi leaned back and it was over. Tsukishima slowly sighed out a breath he didn't know he'd been holding and whispered even more gently, “thanks.”

He lazily opened his eyes again to look at Yamaguchi, hoping to find a soft, equally dazed face. Instead his eyes opened wide and his heart sank.

Yamaguchi had his knees up against his chest, his hands over his face with only his eyes visible as he stared outwards, tears streaming from them uninhibited.

Tsukishima struggled for words and thought, “I-.. I'm.. Sorry?”

He glanced around the room,his pulse quickening, “ You leaned in and I thought that's what you wanted?? I'm so sorry. Do you want me to leave?”

He looked over at Yamaguchi, his smaller body shaking with tears, and his head nodding a yes.

Doing everything he could to suppress an anxiety attack he quickly cleaned up his supplies, not bothering to shove his textbook in his bag, choosing just to carry it as he exited the room. He apologized to Yamaguchi's mother, explaining that he had begun to feel sick and didn't want to spread it to Yamaguchi or her. She wished him well as he headed out the door and onto the sidewalk.

He took a detour on the way back home to a park surrounded by trees. He dropped his bag at the base of one of the trunks and slid down an adjacent one. He let anxiety overtake him. Tears streamed down his face in uncontrollable sobs. He pulled at his hair. He couldn't think straight. _But what if he is straight and now he hates you?_ He began scratching at a scab on his arm. He picked some of the weeds nearby and tore them. There was a loose thread on his shirt that he pulled until it had circled the whole shirt and released its last stitch. He couldn't breathe. He hyperventilated till he became light headed. Finally he just stopped and sobbed. His whole body racked with tears and his shirt was stained with the droplets that had been falling relentlessly. He let his tears fall through his hands as he stared at them as if they had betrayed him, ruined everything that mattered.

He sat there against the trees for a long while, watering the plants himself.  
\---

  
When he finally returned home he languidly dropped his shoes at the door, not bothering to greet anyone has he continued into his home. In no mental state to even think about his homework, he dropped his bag near the door to his room and shut it behind him. He ran his fingers through his hair and brought them to rest on his neck. He wasn't in any way angry at Yamaguchi, he for once wasn't even angry at himself. He was just scared. Scared that maybe he had misread all the signals he thought he'd been given. He could've sworn that Yamaguchi had leaned in, even leaned in first. He would have never tried to do anything that he didn't think Yamaguchi wanted. And until they broke and he looked up, Tsukishima hadn't had any implication that their kiss was anything but pleasant.

“What could I have missed,” he whispered, almost pleading, as he stared down at his desk in vain hope of getting answer. A buzzing from the desk caused him to lookup. Kuroo had texted him. He picked up his phone and unlocked it, looking down at the message.

Kuroo: “how's your date going Tsukki??  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)”

Tsukishima felt his throat close up and his eyes began to burn. He wanted to tell somebody, even if they couldn't help he wanted to release, and it might as well be Kuroo. He pressed the call button and listened to the dial tone waiting on an answer.

“Wow not even a complaint about the nickname or the Lenny face? It must be going really well the ey?”

“If I were still on the “date” I wouldn't be calling you Kuroo.”

“Aha right so how _did_ it go?”

Tsukishima sighed doing his best to collect himself, he walked over to his bed and leaned against the wall as he sat down.

“Look I need you to be a comfort friend now for me like I've done for you.”

“Oh shit okay,” Kuroo’s tone changed immediately, knowing now was not the time for teasing, “so what happened.”

Tsukishima tried to control his breathing before he began.

“So, we were in his room to work on the homework and everything was normal. But we got to a point in the homework where we didn't understand the material so I just sighed and laid my hands on the ground.”

Tsukishima paused for a second, breathing in the silence before continuing.

“I guess Yamaguchi got fed up too because he also dropped his hands to the ground. The thing is one of his hands dropped down over mine.”

“You didn't try to do anything brash from that did you?” Kuroo asked incredibly concerned.

“That's just it Kuroo, _I_ didn't start anything. I'll admit that I blushed but I mean my crush just put his hand over mine and didn't immediately remove it. Like it was borderline romantic and I didn't make a big deal out of it I just glanced down at our hands and then at Yamaguchi’s face and he had a slight giddy smile and what was probably a blush plastered across it. I at that point was practically flustered but I tried to play it cool so I just stared at the text book in front of me.”

Tsukishima’s speech was gaining momentum, his heart was beating quicker, his breathing becoming shallower, and his emotions were welling up inside of him again.

“That's when he said, “Tsukki,” so I looked over at me with what I can only describe as a lustful expression. His eyes were lidded his mouth was slightly apart and he just looked at me. He made a point of staring at my lips and looking back up at me as if for permission, so I looked at his confirming, and _he_ leaned in. Then we kissed and he broke away I looked up and he was crying and when I asked if should leave he just nodded and I left.”

At this point his voice was ragged and a few lone tears had managed to find their way down his face. The pair let silence sit between them, not uncomfortably, but as a solace.

Tsukishima finally spoke, voice still hoarse, “I don't know where I went wrong Kuroo. _Nothing_ I can think of leads to me to think I did anything he didn't want. I just… I don't know. Kuroo, please help me.”

By his final plea he was sobbing. They shook his whole body but he no longer cared. He was afraid and he had to let it course through him. Kuroo never spoke knowing he only needed to be present, even if only over the phone.

“Kuroo how am I supposed to go to school tomorrow? We have two classes together. I sit next to him in physics, how am I supposed to act?”

Kuroo sighed wondering how to continue.

“Look Tsukishima, my best suggestion, if it really hurts as much as it seems on both of your parts, don't bring it up. Act normal. Act as if nothing happened and maybe he won't bring it up or at the very least it'll make things less awkward.”

“I don't want to lose him as a friend…”

“I know… Hopefully this will make an easier mend until you all are ready to talk about it.”

Tsukishima rested his head against the wall, “I hope you're right.”  
\---  
Before first period started the next day Tsukishima worked on the physics homework he hadn't finished the day before in an effort to distract himself. Since he and Yamagcuhi’s seats were at opposite ends of their rows, it wasn't too difficult. They had new notes in Calculus so he didn't even have a chance to zone out and think about Yamaguchi.

The problem came at the end of class, there was only a minute left in class so Tsukishima decided to put his stuff away and was ready by the time the bell rang. Yamaguchi on the other hand always worked until the bell rang before putting his stuff away. Tsukishima could either leave without seeing Yamaguchi or wait for him like he always had. _Try to act normal_ Kuroo had suggested, so maybe it was best to carry out their sort of routine. So Tsukishima slung his bag over his shoulders and leaned against the desk across from Yamaguchi's. He gave the slight upwards tilt of his lips that was noticeable to some as a rare smile when Yamaguchi looked up. Yamaguchi's eyes widened when he made eye contact with Tsukishima and quickly averted them back to his things. Tsukishima felt his heart clench, Yamaguchi was still seemed afraid of him, and he wasn't sure if that was better or worse than if he had been disgusted. If he had acted even remotely disgusted he could write it off at not liking the whole boy x boy ordeal, but the only thing Yamaguchi had shown was fear, and that hurt so much more. His anxiety had always made him come off as cold and distant to most people so he had had a hard time making friends, and he was desperately afraid of losing the people he had made friends with. Many times they had just distanced themselves from him, and only his most recent friends had stayed, for thankfully they understood.

Now he was going to lose someone else, and his anxiety ever so graciously reminded him that he was in fact a terrible person and that this whole thing was his fault. He tried to distract himself from his self-hatred, but everything he tried led back to Yamaguchi.

After a few more of some of the longest seconds Tsukishima had felt he spoke up, “Ready to go?”

Yamaguchi looked anywhere but Tsukishima, nodded in agreement, and quickly walked out the door without looking back. Tsukishima caught up with him and they walked down the hall in silence, but after a point Tsukishima had to hear something from Yamaguchi, silence was killing him.

“So did you figure out those integration questions? I only mostly got them.”

Yamaguchi stopped walking and looked at the ground. Tsukishima turned around, tentatively taking a step towards Yamaguhi, “Yama-”

“How can you keep acting like everything is normal?!” Yamaguchi sobbed, “After… After what I…-”

“Because I don't want to lose you.”

“What!?”

“I don't want to lose you as a friend Yamaguchi. I'd willingly forget everything that happened and everything I felt if it meant that you wouldn't hate me.”

“Why would I hate you?” Yamaguchi asked in confusion, “It should be you who hates me! I'm the one who kissed you I'm the one who leaned in and held your hand and did everything _everything_ wrong!”

They both paused, surprised by what was said and let it sink in.

“I'd be lying if I told you I didn't enjoy it,” Tsukishima murmured, standing just slightly closer to Yamaguchi.

“W-What?” Yamaguchi stammered in shock.

“If it makes you feel any better… I've liked you for a while,” mumbled just loud enough for Yamaguchi to hear as he looked away.

“WHAT?!” Stragglers left in the hallway looked somewhat concerned as they passed by.

“I'm not repeating myself that's embarrassing.”

“So you don't hate me?” A small smile was starting to spread across his face.

“Nope.”

“And it’d be okay if we hung out again?”

“Yup,” Tsukishima replied, motioning for Yamaguchi to follow him so they could get to class on time.

“Would it be okay if I held your hand?”

Tsukishima looked down at Yamaguchi trying to keep his cool only humming, “hmm,” before sliding his hand into Yamaguchi’s. He looked forward eyes wide and blushing like mad, hoping that Yamaguchi wouldn't see. Yamaguchi never said a thing, but he definitely noticed and laughed to himself at how cute he looked.

“Thanks Tsukki.”

“Mmhm.”


End file.
